Most people are keenly aware of this gender stereotype. “Men use their heads and women use their hearts.” “Men are better thinkers but women are better feelers.” “Men make decisions based on fact and women make decisions based on emotion.” “Men are biologically equipped with thinking capacity while women are biologically equipped with feeling capacity.” “Men think through issues and women feel through them.” “Men are logical and women are intuitive.” All of these gender stereotypes explain why men are better problem-solvers and women are better communicators. There’s just one very big problem—men aren’t better problem solvers and women aren’t better communicators. Let’s examine some of these stereotypes and look at the more important issue of social style.

THAT CORPUS CALLOSUM
There is a sweeping generalization that women are sympathizers and men are systemizers. Much of this is attributed to studies of the brain that seek to explain why women have more empathy and can multi-task and why men are poor listeners but good at detail. The problem starts with the assumption that these gender stereotypes are actually true. Once researchers make that assumption, they set out to try and figure out why men and women act the way they do.

The studies state that women have more connectivity between the right side of the brain and the left side of the brain, connected by the corpus callosum. Because parts of the corpus callosum have appeared to be thicker in women, assumptions are made as to why. Studies make claims like, “This may explain why women are better at…” or “This may explain why men don’t….” making the assumption that the initial generalization is correct.

Well here’s a newsflash that doesn’t make the headlines like all of the gender myths do: most researchers will admit that there are much greater neurological differences between individuals than there are between men and women. When examining the number of nerve fibers that exist in the corpus callosum, it is possible for one person to have three times the amount of fibers as another person, regardless of gender. I think if we dissected these brains with a focus on social style instead of gender, we might discover that those three-fold corpus callosum brains belonged to Drivers because they are known for being so thickheaded!

All humor aside, no one has examined the brain in relation to social style. Studies have only been done with a focus on gender, and there are too many unknowns and inconsistencies to ignore. The first step in the right direction for all researchers would be to lay down the gender stereotypes and start examining differences in people based on social style.

CHESS, JOBS, AND INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY
If both men and women are capable of the same levels of thinking capacity, then why do more men dominate high level thinking fields? One study published in the August 2006 issue of Sex Roles called into question the claims that occupational stereotypes are actually diminishing. This study showed that people still associate more analytical types of jobs with men (engineers, accountants) while more relationship or feeling-oriented jobs were associated with women (teachers, caregivers). This could play a critical factor in how people view the suitability of jobs based on their gender. Many women have been convinced that they simply lack the biological makeup to cut the mustard in a high level thinking job.

Let’s look at the game of chess as an example. This is considered one of the most mentally challenging games, requiring a lot of analytical skill and thinking.

The European Journal of Social Psychology published a study in March of 2008 examining why women are so underrepresented in the world of chess. Only 5% of the registered tournament players worldwide are women. Only 1% of the grand masters (the highest title a chess player can obtain aside from “world champion”) are women. The study argues that gender stereotypes are responsible.

The study paired 42 male/female players based on ability. The players engaged in chess games via the Internet. When the players were unaware of the gender of the person they were playing against, the women played just as well as the men. When the gender stereotype was activated and the women were aware that they were up against a man, a drastic drop in performance resulted. When they were falsely told they were playing against a woman (but they were actually playing against a man), they performed at the same level as their male opponents. The pre-conditioned stereotype that men are better thinkers than women can actually cause women to perform at lower levels.

There have been plenty of studies that show how gender is not an adequate predictor of achievement, academic skill level, or emotional tendencies. Many studies related to math skills for boys and girls have been conducted showing much more overlap in similarities than the gap in differences. Unfortunately, many researchers are looking only for differences and as a result, they either miss or completely ignore the similarities that exist.

THINKERS AND FEELERS
If you look at some of the most genius minds throughout history (both male and female), you will see a lot of Analyticals coming up on the list. Of course not all Analyticals make it to genius level, but they are certainly more genius-prone than the rest of us with Driver, Expressive, and Amiable social styles. Analyticals don’t always use this thinking capacity, but it is there in both males and females.

That’s not to say that the other three social styles cannot be incrediably intelligent people, because they can. But whether you are prone to making decisions or looking at life through a lens of thinking or feeling is based on social style, and not gender.

Drivers and Analyticals tend to make decisions aside from emotions or feelings. In fact, they often become uncomfortable if someone around them shows too much emotion on a regular basis. They struggle with people who don’t use logic or reasoning to make decisions.

Amiables and Expressives are much more feeling based, and they will often show those feelings. As it becomes more and more socially acceptable for men to show their emotions, we are starting to see more and more Expressive and Amiable men coming out of the emotional closet. Amiables and Expressives often view Drivers and Analyticals as a little on the cold and unfeeling side and wish they would show more emotion and feelings.

EXAMINING YOUR OWN STEREOTYPES
Take a moment to examine your own beliefs and the stereotypes you may be embracing. Do you think men are better at thinking and women are better at feeling? Are you passing on stereotypes to your children or impressionable people around you?

Stereotypes like these can damage relationships and cause people to fall short of their potential in life. If men are convinced they are incapable of levels of deep feeling and emotion, they may never stretch themselves in these areas which can aversely affect their relationships. Additionally, some men may consider themselves ill-suited for a particular job or career if they have been pre-conditioned to believe that certain jobs require more “feeling” than “thinking” and are better left to women.

Women who have been pre-conditioned to believe that they are biologically designed to high levels of thinking may forego pursuing careers that demand analytical skills. Additionally, they may bring these gender stereotypes into personal and professional relationships, creating problems in understanding who they are dealing with.

Our society needs a paradigm change when it comes to gender stereotypes. Looking through a lens of social style instead of gender will shift the focus away from stereotypes and force us to educate ourselves more and more on social style differences. As you do this, you will notice that many of the differences you have attempted to attribute to gender are really attributable to social style.

-Excerpt from Kimberly Alyn's book titled Men Are Slobs Women Are Neat... and Other Gender Lies that Damage Relationships (co-author Bob Phillips)