Lie #10: Men are Decisive and Women Can’t Make up Their Minds
DISPELLING THE STEREOTYPE
The stereotype tells us that men are decisive and women can’t seem to make up their minds. As a result, men take more risks and make better managers and leaders. Additionally, because men are more decisive, they hate shopping with women because women take forever to decide what they want. Conversely, men can get in, make a decision, get what they need and get out. These are all inaccurate assumptions, myths, and stereotypes.
How you approach decision making has nothing to do with your gender. It has everything to do with your social style. Take a look at how the four different social styles approach decision making.
HOW THE FOUR SOCIAL STYLES MAKE DECISIONS
You have an innate instinct when it comes to making decisions. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn to make decisions faster or be more methodical in your approach, it simply means you are predisposed to approaching decisions either quickly or slowly.
Analyticals tend to be the slowest decision makers. They would rather make no decision than a bad decision. They want to gather all of the facts and data available before making a decision. They love graphs, charts, consumer reports, and detailed information. They want to think about it.
The Analytical is the nightmare prospect for the timeshare salesperson. Timeshares are designed to be sold on the spot. Analyticals are designed to sit on bug decisions for at least 24 hours. The two don’t mix. An Analytical would rather walk away from the best deal in the world than to be pressured into making a decision.
The priority of an Analytical when approaching decisions is to save face and save money. They see their reputation riding on their decisions and they don’t want to be embarrassed by the decisions they make. So saving face is important to an Analytical. Additionally, they are financially frugal individuals and they want to be sure they are getting the best value for their money. They are big proponents of quality, which includes quality decisions. Whether male or female, Analyticals will be slow to make decisions.
The Driver approaches decisions with speed and intensity. They would rather make a bad decision than no decision. They just want the decision to be made! They hate graphs, charts and detailed information.
They can either be a dream prospect or a nightmare prospect for the timeshare salesperson. They will assimilate the information quickly and make a decision. This can be a dream if they decide to buy. It can be a nightmare if they have already made up their mind not to. Giving them more facts and information won’t usually sway them. Once their mind is made up, they are adamant about their decisions.
The priority of the Driver when approaching decisions is to save time. They don’t want to waste time over analyzing a decision. They would rather put the decision in motion and adapt to the consequences as they arise. As a result, they don’t always focus on the details of the decisions or contingency plans. They saying goes: “If you want to get to the moon, hire a Driver. But if you want to get back…….. hire an Analytical!” Male and female
Drivers tend to plow through decisions, often appearing to roll over the top of people. If they are in a group and they see that a decision needs to be made, they tend to step up first and lead the group to make a decision.
Amiables are similar to Analyticals in their approach to decisions. They would rather make no decision than a bad decision. The major difference is their priority. The priority of Amiables is to save relationships, so they want to carefully evaluate how their decisions will affect others and be perceived by others. They want people to like them and they don’t want to make waves. If an Amiable perceives that a decision will cause conflict, they will often avoid making the decision.
Amiables will sometimes get pushed into making decisions they don’t want to make in order to spare someone’s feelings (like a timeshare salesperson). They find it difficult to say “no” to people. To avoid having to say “no”, they may avoid people or circumstances so they don’t have to deal with the potential conflict. In groups, they will often wait for others to speak up and give their input before making a decision. If the majority of the group is leaning toward one direction, the Amiable will likely follow to be agreeable. Whether male or female, Amiables tend to go with the flow on decisions or avoid controversial decisions if at all possible.
Expressives are more like Drivers in their approach to rapid decision making. The major difference is their priority and their basis for the decision. Drivers tend to be more rational and unemotional about their decisions. Expressives tend to be more intuitive and make decisions based on a “gut feeling.” Their emotions will play a large role in how they make decisions. For example, if the Expressive is in a timeshare presentation, a large part of their decision will be based on how they “feel” about the sales person and whether or not they “connect.”
The priority of an Expressive is to save energy. Looking at charts, graphs, and detailed information takes too much energy for an Expressive. They are incredibly social in nature and if it’s not fun and doesn’t involve socializing, they want to avoid it. They are very impatient people who expect others to make decisions quickly as well. Expressives are often accused of making rash decisions or not thinking before they act. Like a Driver, an Expressive would rather make a bad decision than no decision. Whether male or female, you will see Expressives making decisions very quickly.
DECISION MAKING AND RISK
There is another stereotype that usually accompanies the decisive stereotype. It is often asserted that because men are more decisive, they are also bigger risk takers. Men are portrayed as the gender that wants to take the financial risks, relationship risks, and thrill-seeking risks. Conversely, women are portrayed as the gender that seeks stability, tranquility, and safety.
As with decision-making, your tendency toward risk-taking follows your social style, not your gender. Additionally, your likeness to take risks is directly related to your approach to decision making.
Drivers and Expressives are quick to make decisions. They are also the risk takers. They are much more willing and likely to take risks than Amiables or Analyticals. These two social styles prefer safety and stability, whether male or female.
SURVEY SAYS
In my survey, respondents were asked to check the box that applies to them more: I make thoughtful decisions or I make quick decisions. More men than women indicated a tendency toward quick decisions. If I left the research at that (as many experts do), I would be able to reaffirm the stereotype that men are more decisive than women. However, factoring in social style changes the meaning of the results.
When we dig deeper and cross references gender responses to social style, the results make sense. Drivers and Expressives would be expected to have the “quick decision” tendency while Amiables and Analyticals would be expected to have the “thoughtful decision” tendency.
There were 67 male Drivers and 61 male Expressives who filled out the survey for a total of 128. There were 54 female Drivers and 55 female Expressives who filled out the survey for a total of 109. There were more male Drivers and Expressives than female Drivers and Expressives, so it would follow that more men than women would indicate a tendency toward quick decisions. The reason for the result was social style based, not gender.
The problem with much of the research on gender issues is it begins with a focus on gender differences whether in survey responses, behavior, experiments, etc. When studies show differences between the genders, it is just assumed that the differences are because of the genders. Social style is never taken into consideration. This is why so many of the studies and their results conflict with each other. If researchers would begin cross referencing their gender studies with social style analysis, the results would most likely align with the discussions in this book.
-Excerpt from Kimberly Alyn's book titled Men Are Slobs Women Are Neat... and Other Gender Lies that Damage Relationships (co-author Bob Phillips)
The stereotype tells us that men are decisive and women can’t seem to make up their minds. As a result, men take more risks and make better managers and leaders. Additionally, because men are more decisive, they hate shopping with women because women take forever to decide what they want. Conversely, men can get in, make a decision, get what they need and get out. These are all inaccurate assumptions, myths, and stereotypes.
How you approach decision making has nothing to do with your gender. It has everything to do with your social style. Take a look at how the four different social styles approach decision making.
HOW THE FOUR SOCIAL STYLES MAKE DECISIONS
You have an innate instinct when it comes to making decisions. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn to make decisions faster or be more methodical in your approach, it simply means you are predisposed to approaching decisions either quickly or slowly.
Analyticals tend to be the slowest decision makers. They would rather make no decision than a bad decision. They want to gather all of the facts and data available before making a decision. They love graphs, charts, consumer reports, and detailed information. They want to think about it.
The Analytical is the nightmare prospect for the timeshare salesperson. Timeshares are designed to be sold on the spot. Analyticals are designed to sit on bug decisions for at least 24 hours. The two don’t mix. An Analytical would rather walk away from the best deal in the world than to be pressured into making a decision.
The priority of an Analytical when approaching decisions is to save face and save money. They see their reputation riding on their decisions and they don’t want to be embarrassed by the decisions they make. So saving face is important to an Analytical. Additionally, they are financially frugal individuals and they want to be sure they are getting the best value for their money. They are big proponents of quality, which includes quality decisions. Whether male or female, Analyticals will be slow to make decisions.
The Driver approaches decisions with speed and intensity. They would rather make a bad decision than no decision. They just want the decision to be made! They hate graphs, charts and detailed information.
They can either be a dream prospect or a nightmare prospect for the timeshare salesperson. They will assimilate the information quickly and make a decision. This can be a dream if they decide to buy. It can be a nightmare if they have already made up their mind not to. Giving them more facts and information won’t usually sway them. Once their mind is made up, they are adamant about their decisions.
The priority of the Driver when approaching decisions is to save time. They don’t want to waste time over analyzing a decision. They would rather put the decision in motion and adapt to the consequences as they arise. As a result, they don’t always focus on the details of the decisions or contingency plans. They saying goes: “If you want to get to the moon, hire a Driver. But if you want to get back…….. hire an Analytical!” Male and female
Drivers tend to plow through decisions, often appearing to roll over the top of people. If they are in a group and they see that a decision needs to be made, they tend to step up first and lead the group to make a decision.
Amiables are similar to Analyticals in their approach to decisions. They would rather make no decision than a bad decision. The major difference is their priority. The priority of Amiables is to save relationships, so they want to carefully evaluate how their decisions will affect others and be perceived by others. They want people to like them and they don’t want to make waves. If an Amiable perceives that a decision will cause conflict, they will often avoid making the decision.
Amiables will sometimes get pushed into making decisions they don’t want to make in order to spare someone’s feelings (like a timeshare salesperson). They find it difficult to say “no” to people. To avoid having to say “no”, they may avoid people or circumstances so they don’t have to deal with the potential conflict. In groups, they will often wait for others to speak up and give their input before making a decision. If the majority of the group is leaning toward one direction, the Amiable will likely follow to be agreeable. Whether male or female, Amiables tend to go with the flow on decisions or avoid controversial decisions if at all possible.
Expressives are more like Drivers in their approach to rapid decision making. The major difference is their priority and their basis for the decision. Drivers tend to be more rational and unemotional about their decisions. Expressives tend to be more intuitive and make decisions based on a “gut feeling.” Their emotions will play a large role in how they make decisions. For example, if the Expressive is in a timeshare presentation, a large part of their decision will be based on how they “feel” about the sales person and whether or not they “connect.”
The priority of an Expressive is to save energy. Looking at charts, graphs, and detailed information takes too much energy for an Expressive. They are incredibly social in nature and if it’s not fun and doesn’t involve socializing, they want to avoid it. They are very impatient people who expect others to make decisions quickly as well. Expressives are often accused of making rash decisions or not thinking before they act. Like a Driver, an Expressive would rather make a bad decision than no decision. Whether male or female, you will see Expressives making decisions very quickly.
DECISION MAKING AND RISK
There is another stereotype that usually accompanies the decisive stereotype. It is often asserted that because men are more decisive, they are also bigger risk takers. Men are portrayed as the gender that wants to take the financial risks, relationship risks, and thrill-seeking risks. Conversely, women are portrayed as the gender that seeks stability, tranquility, and safety.
As with decision-making, your tendency toward risk-taking follows your social style, not your gender. Additionally, your likeness to take risks is directly related to your approach to decision making.
Drivers and Expressives are quick to make decisions. They are also the risk takers. They are much more willing and likely to take risks than Amiables or Analyticals. These two social styles prefer safety and stability, whether male or female.
SURVEY SAYS
In my survey, respondents were asked to check the box that applies to them more: I make thoughtful decisions or I make quick decisions. More men than women indicated a tendency toward quick decisions. If I left the research at that (as many experts do), I would be able to reaffirm the stereotype that men are more decisive than women. However, factoring in social style changes the meaning of the results.
When we dig deeper and cross references gender responses to social style, the results make sense. Drivers and Expressives would be expected to have the “quick decision” tendency while Amiables and Analyticals would be expected to have the “thoughtful decision” tendency.
There were 67 male Drivers and 61 male Expressives who filled out the survey for a total of 128. There were 54 female Drivers and 55 female Expressives who filled out the survey for a total of 109. There were more male Drivers and Expressives than female Drivers and Expressives, so it would follow that more men than women would indicate a tendency toward quick decisions. The reason for the result was social style based, not gender.
The problem with much of the research on gender issues is it begins with a focus on gender differences whether in survey responses, behavior, experiments, etc. When studies show differences between the genders, it is just assumed that the differences are because of the genders. Social style is never taken into consideration. This is why so many of the studies and their results conflict with each other. If researchers would begin cross referencing their gender studies with social style analysis, the results would most likely align with the discussions in this book.
-Excerpt from Kimberly Alyn's book titled Men Are Slobs Women Are Neat... and Other Gender Lies that Damage Relationships (co-author Bob Phillips)
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