HELPING THE QUIET PERSON OPEN UP
There is a proverb that states, “Still water runs deep.”  If you are walking next to stream and see bubbling or frothing water it is often caused by rocks or debris close to the surface. When the water is still or smooth on the surface it can indicate deep areas of the stream.

The same concept has often been suggested about the silent or quite individual. Their seeming withdrawal from interaction may indicate that they are someone who thinks deeply or ponders over their thoughts. However, their silence is sometimes difficult to deal with. Listed below are several communication starters for the non-verbal person. To help them get in touch with their feelings and to share their thoughts, suggest that they complete the appropriate sentence.

“I have really been feeling angry about  . . . “
“I feel embarrassed to say . . . “
“I get very upset when you . . . “
“This is difficult for me to say, but . . . “
“Talking about this makes me wonder . . . “
“It is obvious that you . . . “
“I would like you to consider . . . “
“What bugs me the most is . . . “

Along with the above communication starters you may ask the following type of questions to help them get started.
“I’d love to hear about . . . “
“I’m interested in hearing more . . . “
“I’d be happy to listen concerning . . . “
“How are things with . . . “
“What do you think about . . . “

You might also try the 7 W’s to Prime the Communication Pump and bring on a flow of words.
WHERE did you go?
WHEN did it occur?
WHY was the event planned?
WHO was there?
WHAT did you talk about?
WHAT did you do?
WHAT was your reaction?

HELPING THE PERSON WHO IS ANGRY
Occasionally we all will encounter someone who is very upset or angry. Some issue or circumstance has rubbed them the wrong way and they are going to tell us about it. Their voice may be raised and they might be attacking us with harsh words.
- Try to listen carefully and attentively to what they are saying. Endeavor to discover what the main point or real issue is.
- Try not to take their outburst personal. Remaining calm and cool is very important. Don’t retaliate with your own eruption of anger.     
- Let the person get it all out of their system. Give them the opportunity to express their complete thoughts. You might ask them if there is anything else they would like to share. Be prepared. They may share more hostility.
- Try to analyze the problem and restate it for the angry person. This will indicate that you have been listening  to their concerns. Ask them if you have correctly understood their comments.
- Ask the individual what they would like from you. When you clearly understand what they want there will  mostly be three basic responses:
    - “I can help you out. I can answer your request. I will try and satisfy you.”  [YES]
    - “I’m sorry. I will not be able to answer your request. [NO]
    - “I can attempt to satisfy part of your concern or request”  [MAYBE—SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE]
    - Try to emphasize the positive things that you can do. Then be sure to carry out the things you indicated you can assist in.

As you begin to get a handle on the mindset of each social style, you can learn to relate and communicate more effectively. As you gain a deeper understanding of social style, you can start to identify some of the gender stereotypes that you have come to embrace. Once you realize that many of the differences you have attributed to gender are actually due to social style, you will begin to see improvements in how you relate to others.

-Excerpt from Kimberly Alyn's book titled Men Are Slobs Women Are Neat... and Other Gender Lies that Damage Relationships (co-author Bob Phillips