BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING
Listening to others is not always an easy task. Not only do we need to attend to their words, tone of voice, and non-verbal behavior . . . but we have to be aware of what is happening in our own minds. We might not fully understand what others are trying to convey to us because:
- We may be in disagreement with what the other person is suggesting. They might be saying something that would cause us to become defensive. They could be selfprotective with what we are saying.
- We may have a strong urge to talk. They may be wrong or misguided and we want to set the record straight. They could be talking so much that you can’t get a word in edge wise.
- There may be the dumping too many facts and details so that we or they become bogged down with information overload.
- They may be putting on pressure to make some type of decision or answer a difficult question that we are not emotionally ready to make. Or we could be demanding something from them causing the same result.
- We may be under the pressure of some type of deadline in our lives and the timing for the discussion is not good for us or for them.
- We may be physically or mentally fatigued and unable to listen or deal with the issue at hand. They might be too tired to process our conversation.
- They might be talking to us with a negative attitude. Or we might have negative attitude toward them.
- The conversation could end up in bedlam with both parties Interrupting each other and no one is listening. Everyone has an anxiety agenda to get their point across.
- Both parties could be bored with each other and wishing that they were somewhere else.
- Anger may rise to the surface when either party makes the other person feel like you are wasting their time.
- When impatience is expressed by either party the communication barrier grows larger.
- It is a great turn off to listening when one of the parties gives no facial expressions or verbal responses. “Hello! Is anyone home?”
- It is irritating when either person pre-states the other individual’s point of view, pre-finishes their sentences, or rephrases and puts words in the other person’s mouth.
- It is maddening when one party contradicts what the other person is going to say before they even state their case.
-Excerpt from Kimberly Alyn's book titled Men Are Slobs Women Are Neat... and Other Gender Lies that Damage Relationships (co-author Bob Phillips)
- We may be in disagreement with what the other person is suggesting. They might be saying something that would cause us to become defensive. They could be selfprotective with what we are saying.
- We may have a strong urge to talk. They may be wrong or misguided and we want to set the record straight. They could be talking so much that you can’t get a word in edge wise.
- There may be the dumping too many facts and details so that we or they become bogged down with information overload.
- They may be putting on pressure to make some type of decision or answer a difficult question that we are not emotionally ready to make. Or we could be demanding something from them causing the same result.
- We may be under the pressure of some type of deadline in our lives and the timing for the discussion is not good for us or for them.
- We may be physically or mentally fatigued and unable to listen or deal with the issue at hand. They might be too tired to process our conversation.
- They might be talking to us with a negative attitude. Or we might have negative attitude toward them.
- The conversation could end up in bedlam with both parties Interrupting each other and no one is listening. Everyone has an anxiety agenda to get their point across.
- Both parties could be bored with each other and wishing that they were somewhere else.
- Anger may rise to the surface when either party makes the other person feel like you are wasting their time.
- When impatience is expressed by either party the communication barrier grows larger.
- It is a great turn off to listening when one of the parties gives no facial expressions or verbal responses. “Hello! Is anyone home?”
- It is irritating when either person pre-states the other individual’s point of view, pre-finishes their sentences, or rephrases and puts words in the other person’s mouth.
- It is maddening when one party contradicts what the other person is going to say before they even state their case.
-Excerpt from Kimberly Alyn's book titled Men Are Slobs Women Are Neat... and Other Gender Lies that Damage Relationships (co-author Bob Phillips)
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