There is within all of us a strong desire to be right. And there is also an equally strong belief that others are wrong. The drive to be right will cause us to show up other people or put them in their place.

As communication or dialogue breaks down we no longer trust other people and their motives. We tend to judge ourselves by our motives and others by their behavior. The more I can downgrade the other person with criticism the more it helps to upgrade myself. I can justify my feelings and thoughts as right and theirs as wrong.

It is strange that the drive to be ‘right’ is so strong that people are willing to destroy marriages, loose jobs, or break up churches just to prove their case. The compulsion to sacrifice others to validate our own egos is almost frightening. It is amazing how people plot against others, persecute others, misrepresent others, or simply gossip about them.

If I no longer trust or respect you, it causes me to be very careful in what I say to you . . . or I might not say anything at all. When this happens our relationship begins to die. Silence or the treating someone as a non-person will destroy any type of bond.

The corresponding action of the other party is to become, apathetic or cynical. They could also respond with envy, competitiveness, or hostility. Both parties then begin to feel the impending death of the relationship.

The destruction of a relationship will occur unless one individual becomes courageous enough to address issues truthfully. Speaking truth is sometimes dangerous. You could be attacked, criticized, ignored, misrepresented, or made fun of. On the other hand, truth spoken gracefully can restore, heal, and renew relationships.

There is something very liberating about speaking the truth. It releases pent up emotions, it is invigorating, and we gain back our self-respect for not sharing what we believed about the relationship.

There is never a duel with the truth. The truth always wins, and we are not afraid of it. The truth is no coward. The truth does not need the law. The truth does not need the forces of government. The truth is imperishable, eternal, and immortal and needs no human agency to support it. --Dudley Field Malone

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch, nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening. --Oliver Wendell Holmes

The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is. -Winston Churchill

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. -John 9:32

When we take the initiative to speak the truth, in love, we then experience an inner PEACE. We can be at harmony with ourselves, others, and with God. A truthful and honest person becomes more and more THANKFUL for everything in life. It also helps them to become more ACCEPTING of others and difficult situations in life. The end result is an amazing flow of HAPPINESS with life in general.

So, where are you in this process?  Do you think that your problems are the result of gender differences?  Or that maybe your difficulties are the consequence of your social style or the different social style of others?  

Have you been thinking that you’re right and others are wrong?  Are you willing to destroy relationships to justify your actions and beliefs?  Have you been experiencing a loss of trust in someone that has developed into a lack of respect for them?  Has a root of bitterness sprung up and produced the fruit of hatred?

Have you been filled with anger and fear which produce depression and anxiety?  How long do you want it to continue?  Do you want to carry a broken relationship with you to the grave?  Are you tired of all the negative feelings you have been holding inside?  Is it time for you to deal honestly with truth?

It has been said that people only change when they hurt enough to change. Have you come to that point in life?  Then take the courage to stick your neck out. Take the initiative. Stop waiting for others to solve your dilemmas. You will feel better about yourself, and you might even turn danger into opportunity.     

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.  -Eleanor Roosevelt

-Excerpt from Kimberly Alyn's book titled Men Are Slobs Women Are Neat... and Other Gender Lies that Damage Relationships (co-author Bob Phillips)